


we began with honesty/let us end in it too

by hellkaiserryose (Odasakus)



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: Coping, Judai is very very old and still around, Kind of Abstract, Past Character Death, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 11:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14080242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Odasakus/pseuds/hellkaiserryose
Summary: He was alone. He knew that.If nothing else, he always knew that.Well, and the other thing.He landed on bent heel and knee, and was moving before his momentum had time to adapt.Something trivial in the time to wait, time to adjust.He kept running.If nothing else, he always did that.Well, and the other thing.





	we began with honesty/let us end in it too

**Author's Note:**

> Minor references to previous suicidal/self harmful thoughts in this one.
> 
> I know it's a little vague, stick with me.

* * *

He was alone. He knew that.

If nothing else, he always knew that.  
Well, and the other thing.

He landed on bent heel and knee, and was moving before his momentum had time to adapt.  
Something trivial in the time to wait, time to adjust.

He kept running.

If nothing else, he always did that.  
Well, and the other thing.

* * *

 

“Gee, thanks Mister!” her face was sharp but her eyes round, shining as she smiled, “this is a really cute card!”

He paused to smile at her. There was time enough for that.

There was time enough for anything, if he wanted it.

He pushed himself up from his haunches and, before he could stop himself, extended a hand to ruffle through her hair.

She giggled at him, he felt something tugging at his chest, felt like smoke was billowing around his feet.

He stuck his tongue at her and ran.

 

He could hear her laughing from behind him.

Children, he would always stop for.

Children, he would risk it for.

 

He wound up on a rooftop. He had a tendency to stick to high places with no-one around.

He felt something in his head questioning as he walked along the ridge at the top of the building. Glancing over the edge, he realised what it was.

He no longer had that desire to jump.

His french had always been shitty. He was good at languages, especially now, but french was the hardest. The words slipped through the cracks in his knowledge like water through his fingers.

_L’appel du vide,_ his brain supplied, and he nodded.

“Curious on the science of that one. Wonder if that’s the last of the humanity gone.”

He spoke aloud to himself a lot. They’d long since stopped responding as a separate piece of the conversation, time too long for him to bother to keep track of having settled into them.

They were one and the same, as this point. It was easier this way.

_Misawa would have a theory._

The name stung. That thought had been all his, they hadn’t known him.

He stopped on the edge and leant forward over it, felt his balance shift. Tried to prick a stir from his reflexes, awaken some fear.

 

_Didn’t you decide not to do that anymore?_ He asked himself, and pressed his lips together.

It wouldn’t work, anyway.

Instinct ran deep, and his especially so. He was built for survival, pieced together with the universe.

The building wasn’t even that tall.

A regular person could probably survive the fall with only grievous injury, there was no way he’d even get hurt.

He sat down, let his legs dangle.

 

He closed his eyes, felt the wind on his face, and thought about the boy with blue hair, thought about cards treasured dearly, thought about bones in the ground.

He didn’t like to remember what he’d learned, on his more morbid explorations, when his heart was mottled and grey and bitter, upon realising what he was.

When he’d poked and prodded at science and history and discovered the truth of it, facts he would remember for the rest of his days– however long that may be.

Eight to twelve years for an embalmed body to fully decompose.

 

He picked at the skin around his nails.

He hadn’t even been the last to die, though he’d outlived a few of their friends.

_You should visit them._

He opened his eyes again, and sighed.

He didn’t much feel like whispering to ghosts lately.

He had talked at length with him about it, about what they thought would come after they died, when that had still been a concern, young in different ways, on the roof of the dorm.

He had no reason to worry about that, anymore, but it still played on his mind more than almost any other thought.

He pushed himself forward from the edge with his hands, dextrously flipping to face the wall, he caught himself with a foot on the lower window sill, and jumped to the ground easily.

He would find something to do today.

He would find someone to help.

 

––––––––––––––––––

 

Jada held tight to her daughters hand, and smiled at her wife as they swung their arms in synchronicity, catching the child as she jumped at the arc of it, tiny yellow gumboots lifted off the ground.

Her giggles rung through the air, [joy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRSJB3fFeGo) warming the early morning streets.

Their work kept them busy. Their schedules, and having a daughter, made it so that while each of them saw a lot of Ava, and the bills were paid on time, and their child had all she needed, they rarely had time to all be together anymore.

Sleeping in rotation, a brief kiss on the cheek as Jada rushed out the door to leave for work.

And so they had made time. Through minor shifts in their schedules and an agreed hour of sleep they would both sacrifice, morning walks became a tradition.

They would walk Ava to the park, watching the town wake up around them, sitting with her while she fed ducks, Jada tucked under the loving arm of her wife as the sun finally rose and warmed their skin.

 

She passed the container of duck pellets and lettuce to Ava and helped her to open it, once they arrived at the park. 

“What did that boy to give you?” she asked, pulling the mittens from her hands to get the lid.

Ava’s face lit up, “it was a card! Will you teach me to play it?” her tiny hand dove into a tinier pocket and retrieved it.

Jada hadn’t seen a physical duel monsters card since her grandmother had passed away, the game had, in decades past evolved into digital cards only. Relics of collections often sold to fanatics at top dollar.

She took the card from her daughter carefully, and looked at it. Physical cards were so flimsy and delicate.

She smiled after a moment, and held it up, “do you mind if I keep her safe till we get home? I can definitely teach you to play.”

Ava’s face, ever kind and gentle, nodded enthusiastically, “make sure it doesn’t get bent!”

Jada nodded at her, leaning in and squeezing her cheeks softly as she pressed a kiss to her forehead.

She watched her run off, and returned to her wife on their bench.

 

“How long has it been since you’ve seen a real duel monsters card?” she asked, smiling as they shared a kiss.

Emily took the card from her, raising her eyebrows, “a long time– Since we sorted your grandma’s? I don’t remember this line though, do you know anything about them?”

Jada nodded, “yeah. They’re rare. One of a kind, actually.”

“Very generous boy.” Emily remarked, squinting closer at the card.

Jada nodded again, “I remember hearing stories about them. The creator of the game made them and was really choosey about who would receive them. Maybe that boy was a descendant.”

Emily passed the card back to her, “we’ll look it up later. It’ll be fun.”

Jada smiled, and pressed a kiss to her wife’s mouth again, leaning into her arms as she carefully placed the card into her wallet.

 

There was such limited time , watching their daughter talk to the ducks while she was wrapped in the arms of the woman she loved was a good use of what they had.

“Jay?”

“Mm?” she responded, watching Ava step into the water.

“What’s a Carbuncle?”

Jada smiled, and began to explain the mythology of the creatures, when Ava’s giggle stopped abruptly and she gasped softly.

Jada sat up immediately, “Ava?”

Ava looked at her and pressed a finger to her lips, walking with big steps out of the water, she knelt down on the grass.

“What is that? Is it safe–”

Jada stood and watched the tiny, catlike creature, purple fur and a shining red gem on it’s head, as it curiously approached an enraptured Ava.

Her hand reached out, curled into a loose fist, the same way it did when she tried to befriend a cat.

It bumped it’s nose against her, and Ava’s face split into a wide smile, opening her palm.

After a brief pause, where it sniffed at her then made a sound of delight, it skittered up her extended arm and perched on her shoulder, a tail wrapping around her neck.

 

Ava looked delighted, giggling and reaching up to lightly trace her hand along it’s tail, which twitched away when she reached the rounded gem at the end of it.

“Can I come meet your friend, Ava?” she called softly, and approached when she nodded.

Jada crouched down and looked at the creature, smiling with fascination.

“She’s beautiful.”

“It’s Ruby, mom.” Ava told her, matter of factly.

Jada reached out to touch her, and there was a strange feeling to her fur, so soft it felt like it wasn’t there.

“Is she heavy?” she asked curiously.

Ava shook her head, “nope. I like her, can I keep her?”

Jada smiled, “I don’t think I could get rid of her if I wanted to. She looks like she belongs with you.”

“That’s what the boy said when he gave her to me, too!”

Jada brushed the curls out of her daughters eyes and thought about the boy.

 

He couldn’t have been 20 years old, and he’d been very kind to Ava, told her to keep the card safe and happy.

("How can a card be happy? It's cardboard!" "Tell you a secret? These ones are magic.") 

Jada could remember her mom telling stories of card spirits, heard whispers that a few still existed who could.

She’d have to pull out her grandmothers journals and look into it some more once they were home.

“Then you’d better love her lots and lots. I think your duck friends are getting cranky you stopped feeding them, love.” They were drifting towards them, closing in as their feeding had been interrupted.

Ava’s face lit up with another grin as she quickly returned to her task, now with Ruby curled around her shoulders.

Jada felt her daughter was safer for it, a companion and a guardian for the child.

 

She returned to Emily and told her what she thought this was.

There was no hesitation or reluctance, they both trusted this tiny spirit with the love of their shared life.

Jada took out the card once more and traced her thumb over the art, the tiny drawing of the creature that now accompanied her daughter.

She wished she could thank the boy with brown hair, somehow.

She was sure he knew what a tremendous gift he’d given their daughter.

**Author's Note:**

> [ 1 ](https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Lr3Mla5OI8w/WUuJZu9M9II/AAAAAAAA9ME/55ZoKHI9N5wtDi_uC-LcR-z73YLLnMCZgCKgBGAs/s1600/IMG_20170621_122952.jpg)


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